


cosmic dust

by wintae



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, mentioned kun/doyoung, mentioned wintae
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-20
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2019-03-21 22:16:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13750305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wintae/pseuds/wintae
Summary: Jungwoo feels selfish.





	cosmic dust

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stilinscry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stilinscry/gifts).



> because i miss you and i want to repay you for your kindness

Jungwoo has days where he wakes up and he doesn’t think he’ll make it through the day. He has days where he can’t make it to class and he doesn’t trust himself to shower. He doesn’t want to eat and sometimes he doesn’t. 

He does not know why his friends keep talking to him when all he does is scare them and ask for too much. 

“It’s not too much,” Kun murmurs into his ear. Sometimes, Jungwoo wants to be held for hours. Kun doesn’t hesitate to slide under the covers and hold him, humming some Chinese ballad until Jungwoo slips into restless sleep. Other times, Jungwoo thinks he would break if someone so much as brushes his hair away. On those days, Kun brings in his keyboard from the other room and plays soft music. 

Kun can’t be there always. Kun has class. Kun has a family in a different country. Jaehyun legitimately moved in with them while Kun spent spring break in China. Jungwoo remembers multiple nights of ramen past midnight when Jungwoo was too scared to go to sleep and Jaehyun running a brush through Jungwoo’s hair post-panic attack. Jaehyun is one of the three people Jungwoo lets shower with him to make sure he doesn’t do anything. It was four before Kun got a boyfriend; now Jungwoo insists on it only being Jaehyun, Lucas, or Taeyong. 

Lucas and Taeyong are so good to him- too good. Jungwoo wakes up from a depression nap to find Taeyong already cooking dinner for him, having let himself in with his own key. Lucas walks Jungwoo to class when he makes it and picks him up after class without fail. He’ll wake Jungwoo up on the weekends with a plea to go shopping for some sale, and Jungwoo ends up having more fun than he had all week.

Doyoung always sits with Jungwoo when he ends up in the library. Jungwoo finds happiness among the books and enjoys the quiet flow of knowledge that ebbs from every corner of the building. Doyoung seems to also enjoy that. Their dynamic hasn’t even changed much since Doyoung and Kun started dating, even though Jungwoo is more careful around him. Doyoung still sits next to him and they enjoy each other’s quiet company.

Sicheng does everything without speaking much. Sicheng seems to not be a fan of speaking in general, which Jungwoo relates to quite a bit. He’s cuddly and unpredictable- Jungwoo doesn’t know how Taeyong keeps up with him. Jungwoo likes watching those two interact the most. Their couple dynamic makes Jungwoo’s heart swell. It makes him jealous. He wants someone that close.

Jeno and Renjun are porcelain beautiful. Everything they do seems to sparkle, and they’re so kind that even Jungwoo feels like he sparkles when he’s near them. It’s refreshing to hear their laughs and do beautiful things with beautiful people.

At first, Donghyuck was too much for Jungwoo- too rambunctious, too unpredictable in the way that scared Jungwoo. That all changed when they shared a class one semester and Donghyuck held his hand through one class where Jungwoo was ridiculed by their awful teacher. Afterwards, Donghyuck stayed with him for the whole day, even waking up next to him. Since then, Donghyuck has been soft and clingy to him. He even began gossiping with Jungwoo when he feels bored. Jungwoo finds his pettiness endearing and amusing. 

Johnny, Taeil, and Yuta are friendly and caring from afar. Johnny drove Jungwoo home once when he went for a walk and got to far. Taeil talked to a teacher he was close with to request that Jungwoo be taken care of well in the class. Yuta saw him on his own and too anxious to go outside at the university café and sat across from him for 3 hours until Jungwoo calmed down. 

Ten is a spark of light in everything. Sometimes, he’s a little too bright, but when Jungwoo is feeling well enough, he loves playing around with him. It’s hard not to smile when Ten is around, even if he feels too tired to smile. 

Jisung and Chenle are like Tom and Jerry that consistently switch places. They’re always chasing after each other. They’re busy enough to make him dizzy when they comes by. While they’re not super close to Jungwoo, Chenle offers him some of his precious gummy candies and Jisung looks at him like he’s worth looking up to. 

Jaemin is special. Jungwoo doesn’t want anyone to know how intimate he feels even just being near Jaemin. Jaemin makes him want to be ok so he can be next to Jaemin for the rest of his life. 

Mark has done nothing and everything at once. He drove him home from the hospital last semester. He barely makes eye contact in their group talks. He sends good night texts for a week and then goes MIA for a month. Lucas says he’s nice, he’s just confused, he’s going through stuff that doesn’t have to do with Jungwoo, but that only worries Jungwoo more. He wants him to be ok. Jungwoo knows what it is like, and he never wants anyone else to feel this way. 

Jungwoo has so many friends doing so much for him, and he can’t be lucid and stable enough to repay them. They all say it’s fine, it’s ok, seeing Jungwoo smile is enough, but Jungwoo doesn’t smile enough. He wants to stop being selfish. 

Jungwoo wakes up, and it’s another day. Maybe he’ll go to class. Lucas texted asking if he’s going to. He replies yes, and twenty minutes later, opens the door to Mark, holding out his hand, saying he’s walking him to class today. 

Jungwoo takes his hand. He’s selfish.

**Author's Note:**

> yeah
> 
> happy birthday jungwoo
> 
> [twit](https://twitter.com/hyugseo)


End file.
